Be Yourself, Ralph... just be yourself.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I struggle with this one.
-every day-
I want so much to please everyone,
ensure happiness,
and maintain balance.

I become
who you need
                      when you ask
because it will make
you better,

or      them      better

or
us better
or everything better.

I do what you need
when you mention it
because
it will make you
smile
or because
it will make them
smile.

I want you
to succeed
because
you deserve success.
And
when you succeed
that means
they did too
which
means
we did.

We succeeded.

But

I can't
keep doing this.

I can't keep showing up
for something
every
single
day

GIVING
GIVING
GIVING

all
of my effort
my love
my sincerity
my...

time

my

every

   thing

just to over
hear

you want more

just to be asked
when

just to be asked
why

just to be asked
why not

or to be told
you should be...

AND to be given

even

more.

I 


am


one (1) singular


person.

One.


I should not be expected
to do the jobs of
three people
just because
you
don't understand
or can't see

    [or refuse to see]

or never realized
that

my job


is difficult too.

And NOW,

--NOW--


Now

that I've
done what you
said you wanted

You still act
as though
I have
all this

i n v i s i b l e


time.

I catch it
in sideways glances,
and
turns of phrase.

But

my time is not

i n v i s i b l e


nor
    infinite.

You teach from
one bell
to another.

I teach
from one
bell
to another.

Do you hold a
second,
completely separate,
position as well?

How about a third?
         (because I do)

Wait!

Do you eat lunch?
      Most days... I don't.

 - but I monitor
lots of kids who do
for
you.

Planning?

... because
you teach
from one bell
the other.


You?
usually, yes?

Me?

not one single moment...

I
teach
all
day.

I
teach
all
day.

You
wanted
a
teacher.

I
teach.

I am a teacher.

I can't give you anymore.

I'm sorry.



I have been called names, yelled at, chased down, and stalked since taking this coaching job and I never once regretted my decision or let someone's anger and frustration disable me.  Instead, I have constantly reevaluated, reflected, and studied so I would become better. I have always viewed it as my job to be the frustrated one - because by shouldering the frustration I would look for a solution.

Well, I am definitely frustrated.

How is it possible for me to give you everything and you to believe I am worth nothing?

I refuse to accept it.

You truly believe I have no value?

If that's true,

what

-exactly-

do you think

I do?

And

while I'm here...

when were ANY of you going to tell me this

-in person-

?




I really don't know what else to say.