Monday, February 1, 2010


It's pink with a monochromatic screen and he gave it to me for Christmas. The first songs it ever played were Jimmy Buffet, Uncle Cracker, and Kanye...

It's Ruth's now and every night I click through songs without thinking until Laurie Berkner sings. Every night except tonight. Tonight I was distracted and as I kissed Ruth goodnight I realized Imogen Heap was singing to me.

One misclick of a button and a familiar yet forgotten song was all it took to take me back three...maybe four years.

Midnight walks through the neighborhood I thought I'd raise Ruth in.

Tickling two year old toes under stars we'd named and given stories to.


. . .

And you know what?

I miss things.

I miss the laughter of my class on the playground. I miss playing tag and swinging next to all the tiny kids.

I miss wishing on stars.

I miss the endless possibilities of my three year old's imagination.

I miss the Christmas lights in Bradfield Village.

And I wonder when I'll finally feel like this is home and I fit in.



Big Mama Cass said...

Oh honey :( I hate that you still are not feeling like you are home. HATE HATE HATE it!!!

Val said...

Speaking from somebody that has moved 5 times in the last 7 years - home is what you make it - not where the location - or what you have. Pretty soon you will settle in and when you move again - you will be feeling the same about this place. But just remember you have your family there and soon another little one to tickle toes and it will feel like home.